Amelinda Berube
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Burning the candle at both ends

4/15/2015

6 Comments

 
Posted for the Writer Mama Blog Hop!

I went back to work the first time when my daughter was 10 months old. I went back to a lovely little team in an organization where my superiors were, by and large, also women with children. In short, everyone got it, and I had about as much flexibility and understanding as I could hope for. But I still remember spending the first six months or so feeling like I was crawling around with the weight of the world on my shoulders.

Oh, I thought. So this is what everyone was talking about. Shit.

In the five years since, I've observed that I can balance any two things more or less successfully: work and my own projects; family and my own projects; work and family.

All three? Still working on that. Feeling a little crushed by it just lately, to tell you the truth. Sometimes the juggling act gets to feeling like throwing a dozen eggs in the air and failing to catch any of them. My god, I used to swim in an ocean of time. Acres of time. I can't believe how much time I used to have, that I feel so starved for it now.

It was comforting to hear in a recent BBC interview that Ursula LeGuin, when her kids were little, wrote only after 9 p.m. That's pretty much been my schedule, with the occasional evening or weekend escape to Pour Boy, although it tends to be off and on in bursts of a few weeks at a time. There's only so long you can zombie around work with dark circles under your eyes and flounder through a sea of takeout and unfolded laundry at home before you have to stop and recuperate and beat back the chaos.

My best advice for those just wading into the hurricane is not to panic if it takes a few years to figure out how to navigate through it to productivity. That sounds damn hell depressing when you're staring down the barrell of it, I know, but seriously: you will get your groove back. When you have your sea legs, arm yourself with some labyrinth-busting strategies and go looking for it. It will be there. Meanwhile, batten down the hatches and focus on keeping your head above water.

I wish I had more wisdom to share on the subject. I can say, though, that I'm awfully glad I'm not alone in insisting on beating my head against this particular brick wall. Someday we will all be looking back and marvelling at our own tenacity.



6 Comments
Christine Rains link
5/4/2015 05:43:19 am

Oh I know that weight all too well. I haven't found that perfect balance either, but it's getting better. And yup, all my writing happens after my little guy goes to bed at night too. Great post!

Reply
Shelli Proffitt Howells link
5/4/2015 06:43:33 am

Parenting when your children are young is so labor intensive! Things do get easier as they grow up, and you do find more time for yourself. In the meantime, all these experiences, good and bad, make your writing richer.

Reply
Alex Taylor link
5/5/2015 07:34:21 am

When I had kids at home, I experienced that juggling act firsthand. For me, it was tougher because I was juggling the demands of troubled foster/adoptive kids, self-employment and writing.

Looking back, it's hard to believe that I got anything done. I remember there were times when we had kids who were so troubled that my entire day would be sucked up by their issues. I couldn't get my writing done, let alone the bill-paying work for my clients.

It gets better as the kids get older, because you can finally tell them to go occupy themselves for a thin minute. Still, it's tough, tough, tough.

Now, as a divorced empty nester, I still find that there are plenty of things to get in the way of writing. I think the reality is there are ALWAYS things to interfere with the creative process.

Reply
J.G. Lucas link
5/5/2015 11:22:58 am

Oh, this is me!! "...throwing a dozen eggs in the air and failing to catch any of them." My friend, there is egg all over my floor and me. Even if it doesn't fix it, it helps so much to know were are not alone in this. Thank you for sharing.

Reply
Sharon Bayliss link
5/5/2015 01:23:38 pm

Just today I was wondering what I used to do with my OCEANS of time. I thought, wow, there was once a time when I just got home from work and did whatever I wanted? That was even before I was a serious author, so I didn't have to write or blog or anything else. WHAT did I do?

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Samantha Bryant link
5/6/2015 03:54:49 am

People talk about finding a balance, but I don't think it's something you find--it's something you constantly make, by letting the things that need to take the forefront do so, but not letting other things slide away. I have a 15 and an 8 year old now, and it has, in some ways, gotten easier to write now that they are more self-sufficient. But I can't depend on that. Sure, the 15 year old can "take care of herself" in terms of basic needs, but she still needs her mom to listen and advise, and I'll drop a novel for her any time.

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